Monday, January 30, 2012


Sometimes this song perfectly describes me, like it it does right this minute.

One day I feel like I am totally recovered. And then I wake up the next day. Dang.
Someone told me today, "Why is it so hard for you? He's still alive." My first thought, "Idiot."
The fact that he is alive is one of the greatest blessings and miracles I have ever witnessed in my life.
But its draining. Waking up in hot sweats, and a nervous wreck in the middle of the night because I picture what it is was like to see him right before he went on life support.
One day he is great. The next day he isn't. Its seriously a minute by minute roller coaster, and you never know what to expect. THAT'S what is hard.
One day I feel completely emotionally stable and the next day I'm a mess. Like today. David is doing great today. So why am I a mess??? Good question.

But, this song has been tender mercy #2234594937271929994 for me. Love this song. I LOVE IT.
It brings me peace and helps me remember I'm not alone.
A beautiful heartbreak indeed. And Christ knows PERFECTLY how I feel.
So I will continue to trust in the Lord, and continue to endure.

"I used to pray He'd take it all away. But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak."

Life is a journey. And its the best life I could've ever asked for.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Heroes part 2

Yesterday I was feeling a bit emotional and didn't want to be a mess at church, so I thought I would do a heroes Part II today. 

I have another hero that wasn't mentioned yesterday. 
Here is how I would describe this person. 

a modern day moroni
a leader
a fighter
a husband
a future father

My older Brother. 

I could go on and on. 

Growing up my dad used to describe David and I as "farts and matches". 
code for: we did NOT get along. 
But, Dave has always been my hero.
especially now. 

I love him and I'm inspired by his goodness, strength, and courage to hang on.
Even when literally in the face of death. 
I am glad we are no longer "farts and matches" 
Thank you for being who you are.

I can't WAIT to see you with a new set of lungs. 
...maybe you will be able to beat me in basketball......
probably not :) :) 

Sunday, January 22, 2012

"...and then a hero comes along..."

Everybody has the heroes in their lives who they look up to, admire, and want to be like. 
Those people that always are strong and faithful and optimistic. 
I have recently gained a new hero, and I've never even met her. 

She lost her little baby girl when she was just 9 months old waiting for a organ transplant and now she is dedicating her life to helping bring awareness to organ donation. 
We were hooked up with her as we are waiting for the double lung transplant for David. 
She recently had a "Run for Ruby" (her little girl) and had a booth set up for David, where people could buy wristbands and the money would go to David. 

We haven't even met her in person and she did it without questions, without wondering who we were, and not only did we get a nice check from her to go towards medical bills for Dave, 
But we got the nicest, sweetest, most loving letter I've ever received. 
And we got wristbands with Romans 12:12 on it. 

Its my new favorite scripture. 
Ani is my hero. 
She is so strong, and helps me to be stronger. 
I've been following her blog since before her daughter died, and I never thought that i would be able to rub shoulders with her.
Now i have...from a distance. 

And she is one of my new heroes. 
There is a connection we have simply because of the trials we have been through. Unfortunately, her adorable daughter didn't get her transplant in time, and yet her last words in her letter were "We can't wait to hear that you got 'the call'." 
(Meaning the lungs are in)

I've met a lot of people who have become my heroes over the last month. 
Family members. 
the nurses and doctors at the University of Utah.
Everyone who has been SO SO generous with either donations, or their time, energy, prayers and concern. 
We have been very well taken care of. 
On both sides of the veil. 

I have a new list of heroes that most people may look at and be like "really?"
they aren't movie stars
they aren't rich
they aren't well known
but they are amazing people
who worry about themselves less then they worry about others 
simply put...they are busy doing the Lord's work and serving His children, no matter what their religious background is. 

Here's a challenge for you. 
Pick someone who is your hero that doesn't know they are your hero. 
and then let them know. 
Thank them for being so good. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Sometimes I'm a little too up front!

Well David came home from the hospital today. Its amazing and crazy and exciting and its also scary and nervewracking and brings on a sense of anxiousness that I can't explain. 

This experience with David has helped me re-think my path of life and where I'm headed and what I'm doing. Its helped me to get some ideas and set some goals of where I want to be in the next couple years, what I want to accomplish, and how I can become more prepared to meet my Savior because life is fragile and we don't know when our time is going to be. 

I've been told dozens of times over the last couple months, 
"Lindsay, you just gotta have faith"
I know I know. 
Its so true. Faith works. 
Faith heals. 
Faith strengthens. 
Faith motivates. 
Faith is the key. 

But sometimes it is just hard to have faith. 
Sometimes its just hard to not let your mind wander and get caught up in the unknowns and the what ifs.
What if lungs don't come for another 6 months?
What if David gets a collapsed lung at home? 
What if the chest tubes get clogged?
What if?????

And then I think, really Lindsay???
Have you totally forgotten the dozens of miracles you've seen firsthand over the last two months? 
Have you forgotten how many thousands of prayers are being said on your family's behalf? 
Have you totally forgotten that the Lord is in charge of everything? 
Have you lost sight of the Plan of Salvation??

Sure haven't.
And there is no way I ever will. 

My faith has been tested past any limits it ever has before, and because of that, it has gotten way stronger. 
I've had to ask for confirmations of the plan of salvation and my testimony has grown stronger. 
My knowledge of the power of the Atonement has increased. 
My relationships with my family have become stronger. 

I'm exhausted. I'm worn out. 
 I'm much more grounded in the things that matter most. 
I'm much closer to my Savior. 


All things considered I'm doin' ok. 
And no matter what the future holds, that won't change. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I Can Do Hard Things

So I guess I should update on everything goin on lately! 
Things have gotten a lot less hectic but still there's a lot up in the air. 
David is out of the ICU, off life support, and is doing better. He got another pneumothorax (collapsed lung) after he got out of the ICU and they discussed putting in a second chest tube to increase the suction, but like David always does, he exceeded the nurses expectations, and he didn't need it after all. 

David is staying upbeat, but he is definitely tired with everything that has gone on. 
His body is tired, and he is mentally tired, but he is still funny, and so positive and full of faith. 

I never thought I would have anything happen that was as difficult as the last two weeks have been. 
Like, I can't even put into words what its been like. 

There are a lot of unknowns in the future, and anything could happen at anytime. But we are trying to have faith, and trying to not let it take over our lives. 
At times it is proving to be difficult. But lets be real. I have never felt so supported and so strengthened at any time in my life. 

We have seen so many miracles
And have felt the strength of the thousands of prayers in our behalf
We are eternally grateful for each of you and your goodness and thoughts, prayers, and support. 
We are so blessed. 

I keep thinking through the talk by Elder Cook. 
"I can do hard things"

Especially with the support and love we have felt.
Remembering that I can do hard things has helped me gain more of an eternal perspective. 
Heck, my car is filthy AND the mats in my car are crooked. 
For those of you that know me, thats enough to perfectly sum up the ridiculousness of the last week. 
Because my car doesn't get dirty, and my mats are NEVER crooked. 
But guess what? 
I am not cleaning it right now. 
And I'm not straightening the mats. 
Because those things don't matter right now

What does matter? 
well....where do I start? 
my family
my testimony
my relationship with Christ
my personal, daily scripture study/prayer
continuing to recognize the Lord's hand in everything
feeling uplifted and loved from EVERYONE that I pass in the hall at church and at work. 

The eternal things. 
Thats what really matters.
And I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am.
The Plan of Salvation is true. 
My family is an eternal family. 

The gospel is true right? So what else matters?