Wednesday, July 2, 2014

working.

I love working. I love working towards goals. I love working out. I love working to learn new things. I love working to strengthen relationships. I love working to become better. I love working in a LOT of ways.

However. I'm just going to be real. I HATE going to work. It has very little to do with where I work or what I do, and EVERYTHING to do with the kind of work I want to be doing.

I want to be working to raise kids, I want to be working to continually strengthen my relationship with a husband I've only DREAMED of. I don't want to be working in a career. It's not fulfilling. I want to do the hardest and most challenging job of all: That of being a mother.

Every morning for the last couple weeks, as my 28th birthday has creeped up on me, I wake up to go to work, I'm reminded of where I'm at in life, and how I would like things to change, in some areas. Don't get me wrong, although it probably sounds like it, I really don't hate my life, in fact, I'm not even a tiny bit CLOSE to hating my life, seriously!! But being single at this age is not how I ever imagined it being. It's hard to find "your place" in the church, honestly. Either you are married/an adult, or you are in the youth group. It's hard to not feel isolated, even in a ward full of YSAs. I always viewed my life as being totally different. I know that there are a lot of great things happening and I'm gaining a lot of valuable experience in so many different areas of life, but I always thought by the time I was 28, that, I don't know, things would just be different, ya know?

I'm four days away from being 28, and I don't know why, but it is a rough age to be turning for me, like a slap in the face for some reason. I have embraced openly and happily every other age except this one. This one is just different, and it's creaming at me: YOU ARE OLD AND SINGLE!!!!!!

Awesome.

But, now that i've gotten my venting out, I'm going to put on my big girl panties, and get back to work. Continue to work on becoming. Continue to work on enduring in faith. Continue to work on being a friend and fulfilling my callings. And continue to work on strengthening my relationship with my Savior. And then, when He sees the time is right, I will get to work on the things that I will have waited and dreamed, my whole entire life for. I will get to work being a wife and a mother.

And I can't wait for that day.