Sunday, May 29, 2016

when peace doesn't come

Looking at the last 6 months, I'll be the first to say it - sometimes, life is just hard. Trials come that knock us down and it seems at times that you barely are getting your footing and another wave comes crashing down on you, leaving you more discouraged, and overwhelmed than before. You are trying to do the things you know you should, and yet it seems you can't catch a break. Maybe it's emotional or physical health, maybe it's the health of loved ones, maybe it's work related, and maybe it's hard internal struggles that no one else (or very few people) would understand.

We've all been there in some way or another. 

In the church we talk a lot about accepting the Lord's will. We talk about the power that comes from reading your scriptures, saying your prayers, attending the temple, serving in your calling, being obedient, etc. etc. etc. So what happens when you consciously make a decision to accept whatever it is that the Lord has in store for you and peace still doesn't come? Hope still doesn't penetrate the darkness/pain, the loneliness, and the trials and hardships still seem suffocating at times? Then what? 

Here's what I know about my Savior and my Heavenly Father: 
They are real 
Their love is perfect 
They are aware of us in every way 
They are intimately aware of every struggle we face
They will never forsake us
Everything they do and ask of us is for one purpose and one purpose only: to bring us back home 

However - when I am in the middle of hardships of any kind, and I am trying with all my heart to accept the Lord's will....and peace doesn't come, I can't help but think: so is He REALLY aware? Like really though. Does He really understand what I'm going through? Does he really hear and answer my prayers? I still believe the things I listed above, but I wonder, why don't I feel the power of that knowledge? I am quick to question.

His love and His peace are perfect. He knows what we need and how we need to receive it. He knows me. I've felt it before, His peace can penetrate the darkest of situations and bring us light, but it won't come when we necessarily want or expect it. It will come when He knows, in His infinite and perfect love and wisdom, we need it most. 

So when I ask myself, why isn't peace coming? I have to remind myself: IT IS. It's just not here yet.

So until that day comes, I will hang tough to what I do know. I will grasp on to the knowledge and testimony that I do have, and I'll embrace the glimmers of light that I get each day, to motivate me to continue moving forward, so that when He sees fit, I can gain the peace that only comes through the Savior of the world, and I can make it back to His presence. 

Kevin W. Pearson said it best when He said: when adversity comes, don't let something you don't fully understand unravel everything you do know. 

So while I don't understand everything now, I know that one day I will. And for now, I will echo the words of Nephi: "I do not know the meaning of all things, nevertheless I know that God loveth His children" 

And that is all that matters.